Silhouette Fever

CHICKEN (Gallina Flopicus): A very small, one-footed bird that tends to sit quietly if undisturbed. But, if hit, performs the wildest acrobatics. A deceptively simple target, it tries to depend on its small size for protection.

PIG (Porkus Metallicus): Generally found standing in line astern, this amiable, docile and seldom aggressive creature will easily succumb to a well-placed shot. However, hunters must beware of a feeling of false confidence and the insecurity of: “How did I miss such a nice fat target?”.

TURKEY (Hardtohitus Maximus): This bird is so stupid that it obstinately refuses to lie down amidst the hail of lead flying by it. Hunters may find this stubborn tendency extremely frustrating, so much so that their aim grows worse and worse.

RAM (Longwayus Outus): These animals seem to possess a sixth sense and know when they are being viewed through a rifle scope. At such times they are capable of crazy leaps of evasion and can dodge speeding bullets with a single bound.


All these animals are carriers of the dread disease SILHOUETTE FEVER.

Victims of the illness tend to develop such symptoms as one eye that squints while the other stares wildly, bad backs from hips thrown out of joint, claw-like left hands and itching trigger fingers. Chronic suffers have had horrible nightmares filled with small, wavering, black animals and in their sleep scream strange words like “Listo” and “Fuego” and “Dammit”.

The only cure seems to be the total extermination of the above animals to which all socially-conscious rifle-persons should apply themselves, pledging their lives (spent at the range), their fortunes (squandered on the “perfect” rifle and the latest “guaranteed accurate” ammunition), and their sacred honor (which is why nobody scores their own card).

Go Get ‘Em! (If you can!)